How do you talk to yourself?

Welcome to The Sunday Starter, a weekly email of tools and techniques, that help you navigate your journey to just get started and keep moving forward.

I've come to realize that the harshest words I've ever heard were the ones whispered within the chambers of my own mind.

The self-talk, at times, is nothing short of brutal.

I beat myself down over little things and hardly give praise for my accomplishments.

→ Does this sound familiar to you?

I know I’m not alone as many of us struggle with this same battle with our inner voice.

Let’s embark on a journey to understanding how we recognize it, shift our thinking, and continue to work toward being kind to ourselves.

It’s years of beating ourselves down that’ll take work to overcome but the fruits of that labor are incredible and we should know we are worthy enough to have that positivity in our lives.

Let’s get after it.

Nobody wants to have negative thoughts. But negative thoughts happen. They come from a variety of things; past experiences, self-esteem issues, cognitive bias, perceived failures, social comparisons, etc.

→ The goal shouldn’t be to avoid or suppress negative self-talk but to build a system to combat it when it creeps up and then work toward improving the thinking over time.

First, here’s a simple 3-step process to work through when we have some negative chatter in our heads.

Step 1: Become Aware

We must recognize and become aware of negative self-talk when it is happening.

→ Pay attention to the thoughts that go through your mind and identify when they turn negative. Are there certain situations where you speak more negatively to yourself? What does it sound like?

It could be something simple, “I’m not going to try that because I’m not good at it” to demoralizing, “You are the absolute worst. How did you ever get to this position?”

Step 2: Challenge The Negative

When you catch yourself thinking negatively, challenge those thoughts.

→ Ask yourself if they are based on facts, evidence, or assumptions.

Often, negative thoughts are unfounded and they’ve developed over years and years of doing this without ever being conscious of it.

Step 3: Spin It Around

Counteract negative self-talk with positive affirmations that are positive, empowering statements about yourself.

→ This can be the hardest part because it feels weird. But saying “I love you” and “I’m proud of you” is extremely powerful and can help to turn the tides in your favor.

»»» Negative self-talk will happen, especially if it’s been a pattern for a long time. The way we can start to navigate to more positive thinking is to build a repeatable system when we recognize it happening.

…and then we must keep working to improve it.

But, How?

There are a variety of things we can do to start talking to ourselves more gently and kindly and mixing some of the below together can go a long way to guiding ourselves in a more positive direction.

Remember: With any of this it takes time and energy. We have to first want to change but then we need to make the commitment to change.

Don’t overwhelm yourself out of the gate. Small, incremental steps help you build a more consistent practice.

5 Powerful Activities For Positivity

Reframe and Refocus

Reframe negative thoughts into more constructive or neutral ones. Instead of saying, "I can't do this," say, "I'll give it my best shot."

→ Focus on solutions rather than dwelling on problems.

Keep a Journal

Write down your negative thoughts and then analyze them objectively. This can help you identify patterns and work on changing them. When we write things down “the invisible becomes visible.” We start to expose a lot of the junk that is inside of us.

→ Journaling isn’t easy but it doesn’t have to be exhausting either. Set some simple rules for your journal and stick to them.

Seek Support

Talk to friends, family, or a therapist about your negative self-talk. Sometimes, discussing your thoughts with someone you trust can provide valuable perspective and support. It also is a way to get out of your own head and test if what you are doing/saying is healthy for you.

→ We don’t always realize how negative our thoughts can be until they are confirmed by others observing us saying or doing those things.

Surround Yourself with Positivity

Experiences and Relationships are the two most important things for us as human beings. When you can couple these together it’s euphoric. Spend time with people who uplift and support you.

→ Positive social interactions can counteract negative self-talk.

Self-Care

Prioritize self-care activities that promote mental and emotional well-being, such as exercise, proper nutrition, sleep, and relaxation which can come in the form of meditation, nature walks, reading, etc. When we are “go-go-go” it throws our life out of balance and can be when the stress, anxiety, and weight of the world grows heavier.

→ Give yourself the outlet to practice self-care.

Which practice might you add to your life to help you start talking, and thinking, more positively?

It's challenge time once again!

I’ve found that seeing positive thoughts can help create a positive mind.

Besides the various practices you can take in the section above, I’d challenge you to take action right now.

→ Go to your bathroom and write a positive thought on it. Something you can look at every time you walk into your bathroom. It can be a question, a quote, a statement. It doesn’t matter. If you don’t have a dry-erase marker then use a post-it note.

→ What is your mirror going to say the next time you walk into your bathroom?

What’s Coming Next:

Next week it’s another edition of the Sunday Starter Silhouette where we feature a “starter” and the lessons we can learn from their journey. But who is it? Come on by next week to be surprised.

Thanks again for your support with this newsletter.

❓What did you think? I’d love feedback in order to continue to make this a superb resource for everyone. It can be positive or negative. Nothing is off limits so reply to this email and I’d love to hear from you.

✅ When you complete the challenge, Reply directly to this email and please share. I’d love to see a picture of your mirror, too!

How can I support your journey?

🙏 One of the coolest things about building the Just Get Started platform over the last several years is the number of interactions with new and interesting people who are on the cusp of getting started or early in their journey.

If I can support you in any way, please let me know. You can reply to this email and let me know what’s going on in your world. I’ll try to help where I can!